One of Many Firsts

I haven't updated this blog in quite awhile. I feel guilty for not having Jim's picture be first thing that comes up but I can't stay away. I have been feeling really crappy and sad lately. I think it is because it is getting close to Jim's birthday, the first one that he won't be here to celebrate. It took me years to figure out that his birthday is 10-4. Duh, 10-4 good buddy!! I will never forget that day. The girls' birthday is on the 7th. They will be 6...6 I can't believe it! The week after Jim passed away Alli came up to me and said.."Oh Mommy, this is terrivle" (terrivle...she cracks me up). "What's terrivle" I asked her. "Well, our birthday is after Grampie's and now Grampie will never have another birthday, so will our birthday ever come"? Isn't that cute? It is so cute and so sad at the same time. One of my favorite pictures is hanging on my fridge. It's a picture from last year of Grampie and the twins in front of their birthday cake. The three of them look so happy together. I would have never imagined it would be their last birthday picture that they would take together. I stare at that picture and just look at it. I look at it and can't believe that he is not here. He looks healthy, he always looked healthy and I get so sad and mad. I can't decide to leave it up or take it down. There is this stupid country song that I hear lately and it gets me so depressed. I have to learn to turn it off because I can't stand to feel this way. So, here we go. In a couple of days it will be the first birthday without Jim. One of my friends asked how my mom has been feeling with this day approaching and I honestly don't know. I haven't asked her. I don't want to bring it up, I don't want her to have to talk about the obvious. I'm going to try and scan the picture into the blog so everyone can see the happiness for themselves. I think that after I scan it, I'll put it back on the fridge!